New beginnings
by whoyouarexo
Summary: R/J, based on the last episode, if things had been different


After Saturday nights RJ centric episode, I got some fiction inspiration on how things change if things are different.

* * *

Ruth had been running around the ED trying to find Jay..ok running was a lie, more of a fast paced walk, but soso, she was still making a great effort to find him..she needed to tell him something..then she saw him, pale.

"Ruth, just the lady ive been looking for!" Jay said, halting in his step, which didn't have his usual spring to it

"I was trying to find you too" Ruth said shortly, Jay looked at her expectantly...she faltered

"Wheres my nan Ruth?" Jay asked her, his warm brown eyes meeting her ice-coloured blue ones

"Thats what I came to find you about, shes been taken into resus Jay" Ruth replied, trying to avoid his gaze, something which was impossible for her..she had tried to keep her doctor head on..but Jay was a friend..

Jays voice adopted a new tone as he put his hands on her shoulders, as if he was being propped up and he looked at Ruth again, making sure she looked back.. "how bad is it Ruth?" Jay asked..he wasn't stupid..he knew that if a patient was in resus generally their lives were at a risk..his nan though..she was so strong

"I don't know" Ruth said, looking a bit worse for wear as she watched Jay run to resus, she remembered the conversation she had had with the older woman..she had made a insinuation that Jay still had romantic feelings for Ruth..and the whole situation had made her realise that she still held a torch for Jay...but there was Edward to be considered..her husband. She had feelings for her husband but nothing could combat the feelings she had for Jay..and its not like Edward seemed to have romantic feelings for her anyway..his idea of romance was a nice dinner and a nice bracelet, and maybe a bunch of flowers, which was lovely, but what Ruth wanted was old fashioned intimacy..not the lingering feeling of rejection she felt everytime she tried to seduce Edward but failed.

She walked to resus, dreading what she was about to see...she knew Jay's nan was ill, and her self medication wasn't helping her in the slightest

She saw Adam walk out, and she turned her back, not seeing what was going on inside, and tapped Adam nervously

"What can I do for you Ruth?" Adam asked, looking back into resus with a grim face

"Is Jay's nan ok?" Ruth asked, quietly, not wanting Jay to overhear her

"She just died Ruth.." Adam responded, looking at her..Ruth opened her mouth to speak but couldn't find the words..it was all so sudden, it didn't have a reason behind it

"Just go and help him out Ruth..the poor guy doesn't know what to do with himself..he needs someone strong" Adam said, looking at Ruth..she had a husband, Jay had a girlfriend, that never stopped him and Jessica...or him and Kirsty..in Adams opinion, when two people were in love, they were in love and the people who got in the way were stupid for not seeing it..Ruth and Jay were the EDs very own Romeo and Juliet, with their ups and downs and their on/off relation. It wasn't hard to see how they felt about eachother though.

"Isn't that Polly's job now?" Ruth asked, with a even more snarled tone to her voice then usual

"Is Polly here...No" Adam replied, with a wink, and Ruth sighed, dropped her hands and went in there.

It was eerily silent as she stepped in..it brought her back to when she had rushed down after hearing about Mrs Basseys death..and her knowing how involved Jay was with Mrs Bassey, she also knew how broken up Jay would be about the death..

She walked towards Jay silently as he turned around slowly, hearing the footsteps

Ruth saw the elderly woman, covered in a white sheet apart from her face, which was the object of Jays stare

She stood beside him

"Im so sorry Jay" she said, and he turned to his nan

"Im so sorry Nan" he said to the now dead woman, fighting back tears

"Im a crap grandson..I didn't notice enough, I didn't look after you enough..I just went down the pub and went on one night stands and let Polly drag me out above my better judgement..Nan im so sorry" Jay whimpered...his voice strong but his words weak, it was like he could barely get them out.

Jay moved slowly towards the floor, knowing that in a minute he was going to collapse with the emotion inside of him..he only would of felt comfortable with Ruth being present

"Do you want me to go?" Ruth asked..she felt as if she wasn't playing a very instrumental role in making Jay feel any better

"No, stay, please" Jay replied..repeating the sentence in a choked up voice

Ruth slid awkwardly next to Jay and looked at his fragile form

"Its not your fault" she said, with strength

"Ruth it is"

"Jay, its really not...your just blaming yourself because your still here..but you cant do that Jay, it destroys you, and I cant sit around and watch you destroy yourself" Ruth said, in a commanding tone, one that made Jay listen

"Its hard" Jay mumbled

"It will be, but let people help you and you would be surprised" Ruth said, with a unknowing smile

"Coming from you!" Jay said, with a wet laugh

"When I..well you know what I did, I felt alone..then I let you in finally, and everything felt that little bit lighter..its nice to have a confidant Jay...if you choose Polly, Charlie, or even Big Mac, its nice" Ruth simply replied

"What if I choose you" Jay answered honestly, looking into her ice blue eyes once again

"Then im always here Jay, you know that" Ruth said, and she placed her hand on top of his

The resus door opened and they sprung apart, although completely innocent..it was Polly.

Jay stood up, knowing the following conversation wasn't going to be pleasant..Polly looked around at Jay's nan and gasped in shock..Ruth shook her head..that was not a good reaction

"Pol can we step outside?" Jay asked her, with his red eyes..his voice had fathomed more strength...Ruth stayed with Jays nan, choosing a stool next to her..

"I heard Polly tell Jay what you said in the ambulance" Ruth smiled at the older woman

"A parrot is the best definition of her" Ruth snidely said, watching her, and watching the peaceful lady in front of her

* * *

"Jay im so sorry" Polly said, reaching out for a hug

"I don't need a hug" Jay stated

"So you let Ruth comfort you" Polly angrily replied

"Its not about that" Jay said, wearily

"Well, I know it will only be a temporary painkiller and a very inappropriate thing for a paramedic to say, but what about we head down the pub, get wasted, and go back to mine?" Asked Polly, with a wink..Ruth sat in resus wondering what the hell made Polly smile like such a maniac at a time like this

"I could think of nothing worse" Jay replied, with a honesty about him

Polly suddenly leaned forward and kissed him, and Ruth watched with some sort of twisted glee as he pushed Polly off

"Im not in that game right now Pol..look I can't do this, not now..can we just go back to being friends..its not you its me" Jay said

"Oh that old chestnut..forget it Jay your so predictable" Polly said, annoyed..she crossed her arms

"What?" Jay asked, taken aback

"You spend one day with Ruth and suddenly your dumping me...the puzzle fits" Polly said, stalking off..probably finding some pub buddies to relish in her break up with her..

* * *

Jay went back into resus

"Im sorry about that nan" Jay said softly,

"Ive never seen so many changing facial expressions" Ruth said, with a small laugh

"Well she thought she had offered me the night of my dreams then I dumped her" Jay said, feeling a little harsh

"What did she offer you" asked Ruth

"She offered me something the old Jay would of liked..drown my sorrows with booze and sex" Jay said..with a forced laugh at how contrived it seemed

"whats changed" Ruth asked

"I met a girl who changed my mind about all that stuff..she was special..shes married now" Jay started..and he stopped midway

"Sorry Ruth..that probably was quite uncomfortable viewing for you" Jay said..squeezing his eyes shut in frustration..he always had foot in mouth disease

To his surprise he felt a tingle run up his spine, and looked down to see Ruth gripping his hand

"your married" Jay said, warily

"I married for work..not love..and guess what I saw in the lift earlier..something I havent thought about or mentioned until now" Ruth started

Jay nodded, motioning for her to carry on

"Edward married for a cover..you see Jay, hes having a affair..with a man" Ruth said, looking at Jays shocked face and finding it comical

"and your ok with that?" Jay asked, forgetting his predicament for 5 minutes

"I wasn't...then I realised that as much as he didn't love me, and as desperate as I was for love, I have love, I just forgot to find it properly...J-Jay..your the only one I love in any way..Edward was a convenient business arrangement..charming..surgeon, offered me posts..thats all it was" Ruth said, clearing her throat

Jay sat down agaisnt the cabinet and motioned for Ruth to come and join him

"You know what my nan has been telling me every night I come home?" he asked Ruth, who shook her head

"Shes been telling me I don't look happy..shes been telling me to go sort things out with Doctor Winters because thats when I was happy" Jay begun..and Ruth looked at him, knowing there was more

"I think its quite fitting that..now shes g..g..gone, that we are in here with her, sorting things out..thats how she would like it..Nan hates to miss any slice of the action she does, she went stir crazy when I didn't bring you home for dinner..she never liked any of my other girlfriends..she called one a Parrot..I think you know who..she said one went out looking like a before picture from a magazine..she said one looked like a scarecrow..she never had tact. She had high expectations..I showed her pictures of us..she liked you. She had always said even from that picture that you were one to keep hold of..I told her everything and she told me to work it out, and that true love worked in the end. She said she had never seen me on such highs, such lows...and I guess thats what Im doing with you now Ruth..Im going to tell you for the last time..I love you..we for me are the perfect fit..I know about your situation and I know its not sensitive that I just broke up with Polly but I need to do right by nan, and she said "Jamshid, start thinking of yourself" and thats what im going to do. This is the last time Ruth, our last chance" Jay said, his voicing passionate, gaining more character as the speech went on

"I really love you too Jay" Ruth shyly replied..moving closer to him

"Hows this gonna work then?" Jay asked, looking at her

"I divorce Edward, make it look like I left him so he doesn't start the gay parade on me.." Ruth started, and Jay sniggered

"What is a gay parade" he laughed, and Ruth gave him a sarcastic face

"Then I think im going to move back into my old flat, and your going to come with me" Ruth finished, trimpuphant

"are you sure things can work?" Jay asked

Ruth touched his face, also touched at the fact that for the first time, she was being Jays rock

"Jay, this is our last chance but we've grown up..we wont screw up and if we do, we love eachother..for the first time, im sure about this" she said, she was cupping his face now..he kissed her cheek softly

"I love you" Jay said, and Ruth smiled at him..you too..she thought..and she stood up

"Im going to go and talk to Edward for half an hour..give him what he deserves..half an hour yeah?" Ruth said, sounding happier..she started to walk out, doing some sort of deranged bow to Jays nan..a sweet gesture, but one that Jay could not help laughing at when she left...he took a place on the stool next to his nan

"Always awkward is our doctor Winters..."

"Nan..I love you you know that..and I just want to thank you..when everything with dad and mum went pearshaped, you were there. For years you let me fool you into thinking I was a doctor when I was a nurse, and you let me because you knew thats who I needed to be..I thank you again..thanks for letting me move in and share your home with you, and thank you for letting me look after you for the past year. I know there are 3 of us grandkids in the family, and I have 2 sets of grandparents..but a cheeky secret..I kinda think your my favourite..and I kinda think im yours..we have a bond" Jay said, with a cheeky wink

"Stay with the angels nan, thats where you fit in..and no brewing some freaky punch or whatever you do at the allotment, not until you've got a girlie gang anyway" Jay said, gripping her hand suddenly, even though he knew that he would feel no return sensation from the hand

"And thank you, for helping me sort things out with Ruth..your leaving me in great hands nan, I love you, always and forever" Jay said, emotionally..but one thing he was not upto the task of doing was putting the white sheet over his nans head..it was heartbreaking for him, it felt like he was shutting her out, which was the reason why he couldn't.

"Love you, nan" Jay said for the final time, a tear rolling down his cheek..he withdrew his hands, that in that moment were cupped around her face, and started to gather up his strength to leave.

Charlie was waiting outside

"Im so sorry mate" Charlie said, and Jay gave Charlie a hug, while saying "I know" ...Charlie patted Jays hug so it represented more of a "man hug"..which was alot more fitting for their friendship

"Anything I can do for you?" Charlie asked, looking at Jays tired looking eyes

"Can you clear up in there...I tried..I wanted to put the sheet over..but I couldn't do it Charlie" Jay started, trying to find so many sentence starters to explain himself

"I know" Charlie simply replied, patting his shoulder once again

"remember what you said to me "_our love is too strong, its me and you agaisnt the world"" _Charlie asked, and Jay nodded at him

"Well thats what we've got to remember..you've got me" Charlie said, with a wink..while mumbling the song "you've got a friend in me" quietly, so Jay could hear, and appreciate the humour behind the gesture

"Thanks gramps" Jay smiled, and looked around the department..he went to the staff room..ready to make a strong coffee, so he could take in the days events..he found Ruth sitting on the sofa

"You alright?" he asked her, as she wheeled around and saw him there

"Yeah" she nodded, silently

"How did Ed take the news"

"He said something pompous about already knowing, and said he would send papers over as long as I didn't reveal his secret" Ruth said, with a pang of sadness that she would already have one failed marriage under her belt

"New beginnings" Jay said to her, placing his hands round her waist, as she wound her hands around his neck

"New beginnings" She said, pulling him into a heartfelt kiss..a kiss with so much emotion, that although the events of the day were so wrong, they ended in the right way.


End file.
